When the Boss
by zairaswift
Summary: A collection of one-shots of When the Boss [insert a verb or a few words]. It's all about humour and for your enjoyment! I hope you enjoy!
1. Rages

**A one shot. So I can pass some time and give you something to read while I work on the other Fan Fictions.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own REBORN!**

**When the boss… RAGES - [The Vongola Boss]**

"So how did we get into this EXTREME situation again?" asked Ryohei, making a fist under his chin.

"E-to~ I think it's because of _that,_" said Yamamoto as he pointed at the mansion. It contained quite a lot of things, including their possessions. One of the many, were the paperwork. Let's just say that paperwork was a very large issue for Tsuna and to have lost EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM that just proves how annoying he finds his guardians.

It meant that he had to do it again. It's not worth the time and effort he had already done to complete the paperwork. It's like doing the hardest exam on the world but a few hundred times without knowing how to do a single question.

"Then who to the extreme started it?" asked Ryohei.

"Che! It was that stupid cow," said Gokudera not even hesitating.

"WAH! IT WAS NOT LAMBO SAMA!" cried Lambo, "anyways it was Chrome who started it!"

"Kufufu, you stupid cow, insulting Chrome is insulting me," provoked Mukuro as he jabbed his trident at Lambo's head like how he did with Fran.

"Mukuro-sama," whispered Chrome, happy that her boss would cover for her.

"THEN WHO IS IT?!" shouted Gokudera at Mukuro.

"Ku, that chicken of a skylark of course," said Mukuro waving his hand at the skylark running beside him. Note that they're all running.

"Hn, you stupid pineapple. It's him who started it. I saw," said Hibari rushing ahead of the others while gesturing to Yamamoto who was being his normal self.

"Hey, baseball brain what were you doing?" asked Gokudera, almost afraid that that stupid baseball brain had started this entire incident.

"Now that I think about it…" started Yamamoto.

"_I was doing my normal morning exercises when I came across the storage room that Gokudera had._"

"That's my dynamite room…" said Gokudera.

"_I saw this really suspicious looking guy who was smoking outside the room,_" continued Yamamoto.

"Oh! That was Lambo san's guard. I thought that Gokudera stored lollies in that room," said Lambo.

"_The guy was distracted by something in front of him,_" said Yamamoto thinking hard about what happened.

"Kufufu so it seemed like our experimental illusion worked. I mean, it was quite the work," said Mukuro.

"I'm not sure if what we did was good though," said Chrome.

"Continuing on," said Yamamoto, "_Ryohei-nii came along and punched in the air, probably the illusion Mukuro and Chrome were doing…_"

"Eh? Really? I was doing my EXTREMELY normal routine as well!" beamed Ryohei.

"_The guy seemed shocked and he dropped his cigarette along with his lighter. And then Hibari-san came along-"_

"What did the skylark do?" asked Gokudera ignoring the glares from Hibari.

"Oh, he didn't realise what the lighter was and kicked it towards where I was," said Yamamoto normally.

"Wait. Then how did it happen?" everyone asked, except for Hibari.

"The guy from before, who apparently Lambo hired, he was shouting _THROW IT, THROW IT! _So I picked up the lighter and threw it," said Yamamoto. Silence.

"Where did you throw it?" asked Gokudera, the first to break the silence.

"I threw it in front of me," said Yamamoto, "at your room."

The answer was clear. The impact of the lighter must have burst the lighter. Worse, was that the lighter was thrown at Gokudera's_ DYNAMITE _storageroom and Yamamoto threw things, really hard, that it could possibly go through an entire wall of steel.

"After that there was a lot of smoke and then things started to go boom," said Yamamoto ending his story with a grin, completely oblivious to what he had done.

"Remind me to kill him when we get back," said Gokudera.

"Kufufu, don't forget about me," said Mukuro.

"Hn, me too," said Hibari. Lambo and Ryohei were too stupid to get what Gokudera meant and Chrome was weak hearted and didn't like to hurt others from the family.

"Right now, let's just run," said Gokudera all of them nodded their heads and ran faster.

"**OI YOU PEOPLE RIGHT THERE, HOLD IT RIGHT UP!**" shouted the one and only, Vongola Decimo, in his rage mode. Even without being in Hyper Dying Will mode, he was scary enough when he's angry. When his mansion had been completely obliterated along with his paperwork and everything else, you can't help but imagine a lion but 10 times larger and scarier chasing after mouse which is 10 times weaker and smaller. That's the feeling, but you're the mouse, not the lion.

"Juudaime! I'm very sorry but I have to run away from you!" said Gokudera crying.

"Hn, I'm not scared," says Hibari.

"…No… since you're running faster than us then… Actually, never mind, I won't say it," said Gokudera his face darkening from Hibari's nature towards the situation.

"**WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?**" said Tsuna as he smiled his usual smile but his eyes twitching from anger. "**I think you'll be first.**" He said, grabbing Yamamoto flinging him off to some unknown place with his incredible amount of space.

"Oh! I've been caught. Bye then!" said Yamamoto as if he was a child playing hide and seek with the devil and had been found.

"You really don't know what you've done," said Gokudera. He wanted to face palm but he couldn't manage with all the running. They weren't necessarily heading to some safe haven away from the angry Vongola boss. It's just more of the case that if you run away from Tsuna, that's the best hope of survival, literally.

"Juu-DAIME!" shouted Gokudera as he got caught by his boss and was flung up into the air.

"Chrome, you aren't allowed to go outside for an entire _month,_ AND you can't be within 10 metres of Mukuro," whispered Tsuna to Chrome, "you shouldn't move or that'll increase the amount of time." As the boss, he knew everyone's weaknesses, or at least one of them. Chrome liked to go outside and explore along with staying alongside Mukuro, so it was harsh punishment for her.

Chrome instantly stopped and started to walk to the Varia's mansion, scared and worried about her punishment. It was the only place to go if the main mansion was destroyed or being repaired.

"Ku-GA!" choked Mukuro. He was going to tell off Tsuna that he couldn't keep her away from him but he was somehow, magically, put into a pineapple suit that just _wouldn't _come off.

"It'll come off after a month," said Tsuna then picked up Mukuro and blasted him off into space (LOL, Pokémon reference).

_I can't live with this… _Thought Mukuro. It was too annoying and embarrassing he wanted to keep away from everyone even if it meant separating from Chrome for a month.

"I don't understand to the EXTREME why you're doing thisssssssssssss!" said Ryohei but he was just quickly flung off into the distance without a word. No need to talk to an idiot like him.

"Oh Lambo!" said Tsuna with his normal happy face, and then he went instantly sadistic, "go get it." As he threw a grape candy at him. It's still a wonder to me (the author) how he managed to hide it from Lambo's sight.

Instantly catching it, Lambo decided to eat it but he couldn't get it off his hand. The candy expanded and it suddenly became a large purple missile.

"One of the newest inventions. I helped make it look like a candy," said Tsuna proud of his efforts.

"Gupyaa!"

"And then," said Tsuna then facing Hibari smiling evilly, "there was one."

Hibari gulped. Hibird who was hiding in his breast pocket chirped quietly.

"Actually new plans," said Tsuna heading towards him and stole Hibird. "The mother hen always looks after it's chicks."

"What do you think-" started Hibari, but the tiny bird was thrown miles away, making a 'chuu' noise as it was flying. The speed it was going was god who knows how fast and if it made any impact on something, it was sure to be hurt.

"I'll bite you to death… one day, but not now," said Hibari as he chases after the bird.

With everyone gone, Tsuna starts to decide what to do.

_The paperwork sure needs to be fixed up, _thought Tsuna, brushing off imaginary dust from his gloved hands and started to fly back.

_From a distance with 1000x binoculars…_

"I don't remember teaching him that… I think I shouldn't get on the wrong side of _that monster _I think I'll keep my distance for now," said out loud Reborn as he puts away his binoculars and walks off into the distance.

**That was fun to write! The next chapter is soon to come, I think. Hope you enjoyed!**

**Zaira Swift.**


	2. Is Hungry and can't even BLOODY MOVE

**I'm back. This time, it's the Varia! It's a shorter but it still has the laughs.**

**Please be aware of language, you know what they're like. I'll censor them, if I don't forget. Sorry if you find any uncensored ones.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own KHR.**

_When the boss… IS HUNGRY AND CAN'T EVEN BLOODY MOVE [The Varia Assassination Squad]_

"Vroi! Can't you even bloody MOVE?!" shouted Squalo as he poked his boss with the blunt side of his sword.

"B*st*rd… get your f***ing sword—" mumbled Xanxus. He was too hungry to even finish his sentence and his stomach growled so loud, it could be heard throughout the entire mansion.

"VROI, so you're hungry eh?" said Squalo, raising his eyebrows. Though this was common, it wasn't to be to this extent. But he could understand.

The previous day, the entire team had been going through a task set by the Vongola Decimo. However, with all the extra energy left they decided to see who could destroy or kill the most things, without the boss's permission.

The end result was the boss using up his energy beating the lives out of his squad. He was exceptionally angry and annoyed without having wine or steak throughout the day and had no breakfast or lunch. Dinner was worse because he got food poisoning and had spewed out what he had eaten. So practically, Xanxus had not eaten a substantial meal since the day before the previous day.

"Mo~ let's have a competition then! Whoever gives the boss the best food will get one thing from each of the other people," said Lussuria, overhearing Squalo's ranting.

Each squad member agreed and got set to work. Without the energy, or food, Xanxus simply complied only wanting something in his stomach.

_A few hours later… [Hours mate, hours]_

It was already far past noon and it was supposed to be snack time for him. He rested his head on the table.

_WHAT ON THE MOTHER F***ING EARTH ARE THEY DOING? _Thought Xanxus. Even he could make his own meal less than hour.

"Ushishishishi, as the royal prince, I'm serving the boss first~" said Belphagor as he rolled a tray of food into the room.

His sensitive nose caught the scent of steak and was already having the appetite. Belphagor unveiled his dish and to his surprise, there was no visible steak at all. Instead, he found a scent candle with the label 'STEAK SCENTED' underneath the plate. Whatever it was, it didn't look that bad. Oh so he thought.

It was supposed to be a stew but ended up being a curry and it was far too spicy.

"Tastes like f***ing chilly sh*t!" gagged Xanxus as he glugged down a glass of wine, carefully prepared.

"Tch. Fine, but it's much better than what the others have come up with," said Belphagor as he left with his dish only having the tiniest bite taken. The next person to come up was Levi.

"Unlike that stupid prince, I, LEVI, have come up with the ultimate dish!" said Levi, making a dramatic entrance and Xanxus soon understood what Belphagor meant.

"What is this? Sh*t?" asked Xanxus poking the meat with his fork. Okay, it was meat, but it doesn't look like it. It was burnt and all the side dishes of chips and salad brought out that fact that it was charcoal black. It wasn't worth eating. IT was inedible and only at extreme measures does Xanxus eat vegetables. He tried to eat the chips but once he picked up the chips, it just dripped oil.

Annoyed, Xanxus brought out his gun and fired at Levi who crashed through several walls before stopping.

"Boss, the great one had decided to join the game!" said Fran, using his illusions to move the dish's lid.

"What the hell is that?" asked Xanxus, not even bothering to swear. The sight of it was nauseating. It was moving and it had all sorts of bugs and critters and some strange green blob that floated in the middle of the dish.

"Oh, it's a new real illusion I've been working on the past few hours it contains-" started Fran and listed ingredients such as mucus, live leeches and scorpion tails.

"I heard it was quite the delicacy in Italy."

"… Italy you say?" said Xanxus, a vein popping. THEY WERE IN ITALY. WHO THE HELL WOULD SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

He grabbed the kid's neck and shoved the food down his throat.

"SO what do you think about your food?" asked Xanxus feeling good that he was not the one to eat it.

"It's bad," he said, a leech hanging out of his mouth. The sight was disgusting. Luckily, since it was an illusion, he got rid of it so he wouldn't eat it anymore.

"Is there really no food?" asked Xanxus to himself.

"Mo~ Already sick from eating? Here~" said Lussuria. This time, it was wine. At least it was something he could consume. He started to glug it down until he heard where it came from.

"It took a long time for me to step on the berries to get this wine, sure required a lot of work and my feet had started to sweat too," said Lussuria, talking about his efforts. Xanxus immediately spat it all out. Of course there had to be some catch to his drink! THERE ALWAYS IS ONE.

He throws the bottle at Lussuria to miss his head and it smashed into the wall behind Lussuria. Last of all was Squalo.

He was scratching his cheek. Strange.

"And what is it?" asked Xanxus interested in Squalo's behaviour as it was different to his usual self. Maybe he was hallucinating.

He just put the dish on his plate. It… looked good. It was a large piece of steak well done, and there was gravy too.

He dug into it and it tasted good. Much better than he thought.

"Well then… I'm leaving," said Squalo.

Xanxus was happy. It was a good meal and it filled up his stomach. But there always was a catch, like always.

~_Ahahaha_~

"So did he like it?" asked Bianchi, checking herself in the mirror.

"Uh… yeah," said Squalo, "actually a bit too much."

He looked at his boss who was throwing up. The dish was actually made by Bianchi and it was a new dish which gave you hallucinations and, as it is, was poison cooking.

"Hahaha, steak~ wine~" mumbled Xanxus. He was unconscious but every now and then he would hurl and then smile, dreaming about what was steak and wine. It was a creepy sight to behold.

"Vroi, when is it going to end?" asked Squalo missing the normal boss.

"Hmm? This is the first time I did it though. The last creature who ate it ended up dying though. How sad…" said Bianchi crying imaginary tears.

_Just… ended up dying… _

"V-Vroi, so he can…. Die?" asked Squalo.

"Maybe, but who knows? He's eaten those horrible dishes the others gave him right? It wouldn't last more than a week." Bianchi simply shrugged and left Squalo in shock.

One week. Of a hallucinating boss who vomits every 5 minutes. That's just… _sick._

Looks like it was a one week vacation for the squad members.

**I hope you enjoyed! It was shorter than I hoped, but still. **

**Bye bii~**

**Zaira Swift.**


	3. Goes to a meeting

**Hello everyone and this is the suggested idea from: Luna D. Trinity. Thankyou! Watch out for some references! Trust me, they're retarded. XD**

**Also, you should have realised that updates are slow, that's because I've been taking a break as the end of the school term nears. Gomenasai! **

**It's a special Christmas update, so I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own KHR.**

_When the Boss… Goes to a meeting [VINDICE]_

"Bermuda sama, we will be going to a meeting with the families," said Jager. It was only Jager and Bermuda who were going to go to the meeting. Bermuda was important and Jager was there to help him. If they were accompanied by everyone else, then it would cause some fright for some of the families. But it's not like the Vindice cared. They thought it was just in numbers since they think that humans oppressed people because of the number of people, friendship and things like that.

"**Alright. What looks better?**" asked Bermuda. Because the Acrobaleno curse was lifted, he was able to go into his original state. Since some people [kem***Fans***kem] did not really find his appearance… suitable for his personality, nor was it what they expected, he decided to make himself look more like the other Vindice without the missing limbs and scars. He was basically more like the zombie like Vindice and bandaged his body except for his face so he could make it known that he was not some fill in for the Vindice.

Right now, they were preparing to go a meeting which they would meet all available (living) mafia families in Italy who would have the bosses and their right hand men or women.

"**Will this do?**" asked Bermuda. He dressed in a tattered cloak with a black suit. His top hat was furnished with some purple tipped feathers with white.

Of course not all his portals were used just to move about. His portals also had another use. Since he could have certain spaces and areas between portals, they were like storage rooms. In one of the many he had, was the pacifier. He couldn't really _let it go, _even if the curse was gone.

"Yes, Bermuda sama. It is handsome," said Jager, bowing with one arm down his side and one across his body, like a waiter.

"**We shall leave now.**" The two stepped through a portal that Bermuda quickly placed. They arrived at a large conference room, which was a part of the Vongola HQ. For peace reasons, the families had gathered in order to prevent any more 'chaos' to happen, but of course there was always Reborn.

"Seems like the last of us has arrived," said the Vongola Decimo who sat confidently at the head of the table with his right hand man standing behind him on his right side. He was smiling brightly and all except for him and his right hand man all noticed the presence of the Vindice. They were had a menacing aura and they seemed to process and see every move, twitch and fidget they make. It was actually because Bermuda was already bored and was simply looking around, through the bodies of the humans who sat and stood before him.

"We shall start the meeting," said the brunette, "I'm sure all of your families have been notified as in why we are here today, I assume." The silverette handed him a sheet of paper of what needed to be discussed. They went into more detail, going through each point. The more time the Vindice spent at the place, the more they wanted to fall asleep. They needed _action! _

"**I-**" started Bermuda interrupting all the others speaking. With a simple word, he had silenced everyone except for Tsuna.

"Continue on, Bermuda," he said.

"**I believe that there is a job needed to be done here,**" said Bermuda. The other started to cower in fear. When the Vindice said there is a job to be done, especially where they were, it meant they were going to kill or imprison someone. As soon as the two Vindice took out their chains, they knew they were doomed. Each person held their breaths to find that the chains were lashing about. But of course, to Bermuda and Jager, it was like a rhythmic dance. Only Tsuna saw that since he knew they meant no harm. He even enjoyed some of the strange patterns the chains displayed perhaps he could use something like that to help with his fighting skills in the air.

"I think that's enough Bermuda. That was great entertainment," said Tsuna, they only one smiling, still. Gokudera, his right hand man, only clicked his tongue and put on his permanent scowl on his face. Some of the guest bosses were laughing nervously, others didn't say anything but none of them expected that Bermuda's job was just for him to entertain them, well himself.

"I'll continue now if you don't mind," said Tsuna. The meeting dragged on for another hour and had finally ended.

"Since everyone seems so stiff," said Tsuna, "why don't we go for a walk around the mansion?"

"But, Juudaime! Wouldn't that reveal our mansion's locations?" asked Gokudera, frantically.

"Don't worry, Gokudera-kun. They wouldn't even _want _to,' said Tsuna. "Trust me."

The two Vindice members interested and had something to do, decide to follow on. They were at the back of the pack, following closely, but with them at the back, to the other bosses and right hand men/women, seemed like a predator was boring their eyes into the back of their heads. It was terrifying and nerve racking.

"Seems we have arrived at the Pit," said Tsuna, waving away a cloud of dust.

"What's the Pit?" asked one.

"It'll explain itself with the help of-" said Tsuna only to be interrupted by the famous hitman.

"The help of my lackey. I'm surprised he can even help," said Reborn smirking at all the bosses. Maybe he was scarier than the Vindice, yeah, because he seemed like the type to kill them out of nowhere, just like how he suddenly appeared.

"Reborn! I told you not to interfere with the meeting. I can do it myself," said Tsuna.

"Che. Chaos. The meeting is over, stupid," said Reborn. He stepped into full view, his fedora still covering half his face.

A motor sound filled the air and crashed near them.

"Yahoo!" said the lackey as the crashed into one of the mafia bosses.

"Who the flamin' hell is there?!" shouted Skull, unaware of the bystanders.

"_Dude. Eat a Snickers bar,_" said Reborn, imitating the Snicker's Bar Chocolate advertisement. "_Better_?"

"Bet-" only to be followed by a sharp kick to the back of Skull's head sending him out cold and flailing through the air.

"**Not bad.**" Bermuda chuckled. The Acrobaleno, well ex-Acrobaleno, were truly interesting.

"Ah, Reborn!" said Tsuna. He went to Skull who was lying unconscious on the dust scattered floor and checked for his pulse. Well, of course he was alive, because he was…

"_HE'S ALIVE!" _shouted Tsuna, imitating the part from Frankenstein earning him a shot from Reborn.

"That was hardly necessary," said Reborn. "He's called the Immortal Stuntman for a reason."

"Still it's funny for _them_!" said Tsuna, smiling. (**He's smiling at you and referring to you, the readers! Okay that's lame…**)

"Che. Let them be," he said and left coolly as if he was walking away from an explosion with sunglasses on. The other mafia bosses only stared at the spectacle and shuffled along quickly as Tsuna started walking away.

"Bermuda**.**"

"**Yes**?" replied Bermuda, turning to Jager who seemed to be in deep thought.

"All these new models of transport, should we try using them sometime?" asked Jager. He had only really thought about it when he saw Skull on his motorbike. "It seems very… thrilling and stylish for modern day people."

"**Really?**" Bermuda put his hand on his chin, as if stroking an imaginary beard and thought of ways to get the Vindice something to do. Being inside all the time was boring and they couldn't eat or drink, except for Bermuda, so basically anything humanly is impossible for them. So they tried finding ways of entertainment.

"**I would like to ask something,**" said Bermuda. Each mafia boss turned around and stiffened. Was he going to ask who had done a sin to the mafia or have they done something to annoy the Vindice?

"Go ahead," said Gokudera, not at all aware of the other right hand men and women were staring at him as he confidently spoke without Tsuna's consent. When he realised, he bowed and apologised to Tsuna.

"Gokudera, there's no need. Our family is all equal and all have their words to speak. Sorry everyone~" said Tsuna. Bermuda finally spoke.

"**Who develops transportation for the mafia?**" Everyone let out a sigh and then Vongola Decimo spoke.

"Well, we do most of it. Our engineers are top-notch so I trust them. Why do you ask, Bermuda?"

"… **I am in need of… those motorbikes. People had complained that our appearances are too… shady. So we decided to make it more… flashy. That's a way to explain it.**"

Flashy? They were flashy enough! Scary too. But then it would look cool if they have their black capes flying behind them and their black, sleek futuristic motorbikes- what were they thinking? The Vindice on motorbikes?

"It is able to be done."

All the Mafioso bosses had already left; only the Vindice were left.

"Ah, just wait Bermuda!" said Tsuna. "We're giving you one so you can try it out."

Within an hour a sleek motorbike with sharp edges was revealed from its making. It was just an altered and larger version of the bikes that they owned so it was faster making it.

"… **It's… nice,**" said Bermuda, obviously excited to have a bike and wanting to try it out immediately. [**Bit OOC but trust me, that's what these funny stories are about.**]

"Take it out for a spin," said Tsuna. Shoichi, who had helped make the bike, told the Vindice boss how to use it nervously and soon they had left.

The feared Vindice were even scarier than before. At the stroke of midnight, you would hear strange noises that sounded like chainsaws and when you look at the road or street, you would see flashes coming off the Vindice, which were probably their chains (but their bikes glinting from the moon light). They would just come and go in a flash. Everyone was scared where they would stop.

The real story is:

The Vindice, finding motorbike racing was a new hobby and sport, rode their bikes at night, thinking it shouldn't disturb anyone. I mean, some of them don't have good ears, more like rotting ears or detached ears, so it wouldn't really matter to them. So at the stroke of midnight, it was the start of the race and the last person to cross the finish line they made in the main road.

The one who watched the outcome of the race was the young Vongola Boss. Because every single night, he would be working away at his paperwork. It's nice to hear some noise at night to keep you awake. But he really deserved some sleep. All in all, the meeting went well and the Vindice had a new game. It was perfect.

**This chapter is supposed to be funny and make you smile, so please smile! You're welcome Luna D. Trinity and thank you for the suggestions!**

**Please leave a review below, it is appreciated!**

**Bye Bii~**

**Zaira Swift.**

**Merry Christmas everyone!**


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